Sometimes the world seems awful. There’s an enormous pile of garbage floating in the Pacific Ocean. Liberals and conservatives argue over everything from fiscal responsibility to equal rights. And SeaWorld is terrible and nobody’s sure what to do about it.* But when Jeremy Hellwig steps on stage, and everyone gets an eye full of bow tie, everything starts to seem a little less serious. Take a break from real life for a few minutes, and…
Meet Jeremy Hellwig.
What is your name?
How long have you been a non-vegan?
Almost 27 years.
Why have you decided not to be vegan?
I like to eat meat and dairy and eggs, etc. Vegetables and whatnot are delicious too, but I’d rather not miss out on so many of my favorite foods. Really I don’t care that much about animals I don’t know. I mean, factory farms are terrible for a lot of reasons, but I have no problem with animals being slaughtered so I can eat them.
Where do you get your protein?
I don’t know. I’m an adult and I don’t just eat candy all day, so I get more than enough protein. Protein isn’t as big a deal as most people think it is. I mean it’s important, but it’s in a lot of stuff.
What vegan food do you fear you’re missing out on as a non-vegan?
Not anything that’s pretending to be other, non-vegan food. I used to date a vegetarian, and any time she got some kind of fake meat for grilling, or a veggie burger, there was decent flavor but it was just weird. And soy milk that’s kind of gray, blegh! I guess I haven’t tried many vegan cakes and cookies and stuff like that, and I’d like to try more.
Do you eat fish? You eat fish, right?
Yes. Fish is delicious.
Are there any animals in your life, such as pets or funny neighborhood squirrels? Tell us a story about them.
I used to have a cat named Samantha and a dog named Golde. I also had an ant farm, but my grandma forgot to feed them when my family went out of town and they ate each other. My parents recently got a cat named Belle and she is amazing.
What do you do for fun besides eating meat and dairy?
I do stand-up comedy, and I like to read and go camping. I don’t play a lot of video games, but I’ve been playing the new Pokemon game all this past week.
Do you have any upcoming projects you want to plug?
My podcast, Comedy Vs Everything. I do it with another comic, Amy Milton. We have really fun conversations with comics and other creative and/or insane people.
Make up a question of your own and answer it.
Did you play any sports in school?
Yes. Football and Track & Field in high school. Pole Vaulted in college. Assorted little league sports growing up.
*Born Free USA suggests a few actions people can take to help whales and dolphins in captivity.