Interview: Erin Brogan Ruins Our Dreams About Keeping Fish

brogsIn my first and only sketch show in Denver, I met some really talented people. I also met Erin Brogan. Buuuurn. But seriously. Erin, known to most as Brogan, wrote a number of sketches in the show, and I was seriously impressed by her work. Funny, relevant, well structured, great details. It was a puh-leasure to say out loud the words she put on paper. My favorite of all was a sketch she wrote in which Lil’ John was my neighbor, and he was playing his music too loud. We kept asking him to please turn it down, and he kept responding with, “Turn down for what?!” Amazing. I thought when I interviewed Brogan about her non-veganism, she’d respond with, “Go vegan for what?!” But she didn’t. Because she had way funnier answers.

Meet Brogan!

What is your name?
First name: Brogan. Last name: Brogan. I also answer to Brogs, Brogie, Bro, Broganator, Beef Broganoff, BrogDawg, Blowgan, Brobro, etc.

How long have you been a non-vegan? 
I’ve been a non-vegan for approximately 28 years and 8 months.

Why have you decided not to be vegan? Describe your journey to veganism and where you got stalled.
When I was 16 I decided to be a vegetarian, which lasted about a year. I went through all the emotional battles of talking to my family members who thought I was being ridiculous about my vegetarian choices and constantly explaining why I don’t eat meat. Then I was visiting family in California over the summer and In-N-Out destroyed my year-long commitment to no meat. DAMN YOU, DOUBLE DOUBLE!

If you had to take one step toward becoming vegan, what would it be and why only one?
If I had to take just one step, I would stop eating gelatin, mostly because it freaks me out thinking about hooves being boiled to make gummy bears and Jell-O. Gross. Only one-step because I think if I were vegan I would have a very difficult time getting my protein in. About a year ago I had gastric bypass surgery, so my stomach is significantly smaller then the average bear. My stomach, also known (medically) as my “pouch,” is about 6 ounces large right now (for those visual people, that’s about 3/4 cup). Ever since the surgery I’ve been on a strict diet of at least 60 ounces of water a day and 60 grams of protein a day, with no more than 15 grams of sugar/carbs per serving. So my diet manly consists of meat and veggies. 6 ounces of chicken has about 35 grams of protein while 6 ounces of tofu has 10 grams of protein. You get my point. On the plus side…I’ve lost 130 pounds so far, thank you tiny tummy.

Which fad diet or meat-eating celebrity made you want to eat animals?
I’ve been overweight my whole life and when I was a teenager my mom put me on the Atkins diet (this was before Paleo was the new hotness), which means I ate a crazy amount of eggs, meat and cheese. It was obviously not very successful. DAMN YOU, ATKINS!

What vegan food do you fear you’re missing out on as a non-vegan?
There was a restaurant right by my house called L’Asie (an Asian and French fusion restaurant) that made the BEST golden tofu in the world. L’Asie unfortunately doesn’t exist anymore and I still dream about that amazing golden tofu. Also one of my best friends is vegan and she always brings Tofurky to Thanksgiving and sometimes I’d rather have that than turkey. Secret’s out.

Do you eat fish? You eat fish, right?
About 5 years ago I decided that I needed a fish as a pet. I went to the pet store with my friend George, who is a fish expert, and over the entire trip there was a very large lecture revolving around how fish die so don’t get attached. I believe “Brogan. Fish die.” was stated about three times. I picked out a beautiful black bulgy-eyed goldfish and named him Russell Crowe Brogan. I adored Russell Crowe Brogan up until his death about 6 months after getting him. And even after the very stern lecture, I was crushed by his death. I will never have a fish as a pet again. RIP Russell Crowe Brogan.

brogsdogAre there any animals in your life, such as pets or funny neighborhood squirrels? Tell us a story about them.
I have two cats names Winifred “Winnie” Lupita Brogan and Minnow “Minnie” Madrid Brogan, who are lazy and slut like. Meaning there is nothing they’d rather do then lay around and get pets all day. In fact, right now, Winnie is purring and giving me “please pet me” eyes. I also have a dog nephew that goes by the name of Oslo. He’s a Great Pyrenees and I am crazy in love with him! I spend most of my Oslo/Auntie Brogan time giving him lots of pets and taking selfies with him. He’s very photogenic.

What do you do for fun besides eating meat and dairy?
I just had a total panic attack trying to answer this question because I felt as if I was on a first date and there was actually a wrong answer. Over the past year I’ve been doing an outrageous amount of improv to try and improve my improv skills. I’m also professional at crocheting and I’m addicted to IMDB because I love movies so much! I’m going to be single for the rest of my life.

Do you have any upcoming projects you want to plug? Tell us about them.
OMIGOD ADVENTURE-PROV!!!! I’ve been performing in an improv group called Adventure-prov for the past four months. During an Adventure-prov performance the audience gets to vote, on their phones, for speqqcific things that drive the show. It’s super interactive with the audience and extra fun. We perform every second Tuesday of the month at The Bovine Metropolis Theater at 7:30pm. AND every month we will have a “celebrity” guest improviser, this September 9th we will have Denver’s Next Improv Star, Colin Stanley, perform with us.

Make up a question of your own and answer it.
If you could commit to a second job (on top of your normal job) what job would you have?
I would be a DJ. Because I love to dance and I’m ridiculously amazing at picking the jams that pump up the crowd.

Song: “Shake it Off” By Taylor Swift
Recipe: Golden Crispy Tofu

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