Tip 43: Ruin Every Holiday

candy

Disgusting vegan candy. Photo courtesy of Dave Mosick.

It’s a well-known fact that vegans are supposed to ruin Thanksgiving, but did you also know that, if you want to be a good vegan, you should be ruining Halloween too?

Vegan food is gross, so it must follow that vegan candy is gross. Sure, all the kids seem okay with your Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, AirHeads, BottleCaps, DumDums, Fireballs, FunDip, Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy, Pixy Stix, Runts, Nerds, Starburst Minis, SweetTarts and Twizzlers, but they’re not. Because their parents know who you are and what you’re up to. And you’re not going to get away with it.

Or are you?

“How to Be Vegan” Tip 43: Ruin Every Holiday Continue reading

Tip 42: Adopt A Dog Who Has Some Morals

baddogA lot of vegans share their homes with dogs and cats they rescued from animal shelters. While cats are carnivores and need taurine (an acid found in animals’ bile) to be healthy,* dogs are opportunistic omnivores and can eat pretty much anything but celery.**

The problem, though, is that some dogs have a complete lack of morals and just want to eat other animals all day long. They salivate over the smell of chickens being baked and cows being roasted. Heck, they’d probably even drool at the scent of seared human flesh. Ga-ross. Bad dog.

If you want to be a good vegan and keep a vegan household, you can’t share it with a scumbag dog like that.

“How to Be Vegan” Tip 42: Adopt A Dog Who Has Some Morals Continue reading

Tip 41: If You Can’t Say Anything Vegan: “Ooh, a Potluck! I’ll Bring Fruit!”

veganmofoPosted as part of VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) 2014 When vegans are around, things get a little tricky – for all of us. Sometimes non-vegans get defensive or hostile because they think vegans are telling them their food choices are unethical. Sometimes vegans are! And that comes across as self-righteous and snobby.

So, I’m using the Vegan Month of Food – a month during which vegan blogs are celebrated and aggregated in one place – to provide some easy tips for non-vegans and vegans to use, so we can all get along a little better. As the old saying goes, “If you can’t say anything vegan, don’t say anything at all.”

“OOH, A POTLUCK! I’LL BRING FRUIT!”
Vegans and non-vegans who attend vegan potlucks, please stop saying (and doing) this.
Continue reading

Tip 40: If You Can’t Say Anything Vegan: “Plants Have Feelings Too.”

veganmofoPosted as part of VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) 2014

When vegans are involved, things get a little tricky – for all of us. For non-vegans, that often looks like defensiveness or hostility due to the perception that vegans are telling them their food choices are unethical or wrong. For vegans, it often looks like self-righteousness and snobbery. So, I’m using the Vegan Month of Food – a month during which vegan blogs are celebrated and aggregated in one place – to teach non-vegans and vegans how to be nice to each other. If you can’t say anything vegan, don’t say anything at all.

“PLANTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO.”
Non-vegans, please stop saying this to vegans and vegetarians.
Continue reading

Tip 39: If You Can’t Say Anything Vegan: “I Don’t Like Other Vegans.”

veganmofoPosted as part of VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) 2014 When vegans are around, things get a little tricky – for all of us. Sometimes non-vegans get defensive or hostile because they think vegans are telling them their food choices are unethical. Sometimes vegans are! And that comes across as self-righteous and snobby.

So, I’m using the Vegan Month of Food – a month during which vegan blogs are celebrated and aggregated in one place – to provide some easy tips for non-vegans and vegans to use, so we can all get along a little better. As the old saying goes, “If you can’t say anything vegan, don’t say anything at all.”

“I DON’T LIKE OTHER VEGANS.”
Vegans, please stop saying this.
Continue reading

Tip 38: If You Can’t Say Anything Vegan: “I Ate Vegetables Once and I Basically Went Hungry!”

veganmofoPosted as part of VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) 2014

When vegans are involved, things get a little tricky – for all of us. For non-vegans, that often looks like defensiveness or hostility due to the perception that vegans are telling them their food choices are unethical or wrong. For vegans, it often looks like self-righteousness and snobbery. So, I’m using the Vegan Month of Food – a month during which vegan blogs are celebrated and aggregated in one place – to teach non-vegans and vegans how to be nice to each other. If you can’t say anything vegan, don’t say anything at all.

“I ATE VEGETABLES ONCE, AND I BASICALLY WENT HUNGRY.”
Non-vegans, please stop saying this to vegans and vegetarians.
Continue reading

Tip 37: If You Can’t Say Anything Vegan: “I’m a Gluten Free Vegan.”

veganmofoPosted as part of VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) 2014 When vegans are around, things get a little tricky – for all of us. Sometimes non-vegans get defensive or hostile because they think vegans are telling them their food choices are unethical. Sometimes vegans are! And that comes across as self-righteous and snobby.

So, I’m using the Vegan Month of Food – a month during which vegan blogs are celebrated and aggregated in one place – to provide some easy tips for non-vegans and vegans to use, so we can all get along a little better. As the old saying goes, “If you can’t say anything vegan, don’t say anything at all.”

“I’M A GLUTEN FREE VEGAN.”
Vegans who don’t actually have Celiac, please stop saying this.
Continue reading