You know that saying, “You either love it or hate it?” Well, when it comes to Jodi Werner, you love her and you hate her. You love her because she’s open, honest and posts some of the funniest things your Facebook news feed has ever seen. And you hate her because she’s funnier than you and you’ll never reach the high bar she’s set and your eye makeup will never look as good and you should just give up on life altogether. But I digress…
Meet Jodi Werner.
What is your name?
Most people know me as Jodi Werner, but legally, my full name is actually Jody Alexandra Werner.
How long have been a non-vegan?
29 years, 7 months.
Why have you decided not to be vegan?
Because I love meat. Although I do eat vegetarian quite a bit, nothing really beats the taste of a delicious slab of seared *insert animal here*
Where do you get your protein?
Most of my protein actually comes from legumes, dairy, and the souls of small children.
What vegan food do you fear you’re missing out on as a non-vegan?
Do you eat fish? You eat fish, right?
I’m not a huge lover of fish because I live in the Midwest, but I do appreciate some of it when I know where it’s coming from. I won’t eat fish like tilapia because it’s filthy. I really love shrimp, mussels, and sea scallops, too.
Are there any animals in your life, such as pets or funny neighborhood squirrels? Tell us a story about them.
I have an orange tabby cat named Henri de Toulouse Lautrec (pictured right), and a deer-head chihuahua named Churro (pictured above). They both have amazing personalities! Churro is the sweetest, most loving baby angel on earth, and Toulouse is a real dick.
What do you do for fun besides eating meat and dairy?
I love writing and performing sketch comedy, improv, cooking (I’m a bona fide chef for those not in the know), trivia, and making myself look as much like a drag queen as possible.
What are your plans for Thanksgiving?
Well, I usually do most, if not all, the cooking, so I’ll be slaving away on Thanksgiving for my family. I’ll be giving thanks for my culinary background, which makes it fairly easy to pull off an elaborate dinner for a crowd.
Do you call it “Turkey Day”? (Read: “Are you a jerk?”)
No, I usually say “Spanksgiving.” That’s what my dad used to call it, and I get most of my dirt-bagginess from him.
Do you think vegans should get a holiday, since every other holiday was invented so that weird non-vegans can eat animals?
I think if trees get a holiday, then vegans should, too, right? Arbor Day? That holiday is pretty “light in the loafers” if you know what I mean! But ultimately, it’s like, veganism is a choice. They weren’t “born that way.” They can do what they want, but I don’t have to see it. As long as they’re not shoving it down my throat and making a spectacle of themselves in front of my wife and kids, it’s fine. It’s Adam and Eve, not Apple and Steve.
Do you have any upcoming projects you want to plug?
The Alan Parsons Project, if you’re into British prog-rock.
Make up a question of your own and answer it.
She asked you to make up a question and answer it! Be cool!
Oh, okay. Thanks, internal dialogue.
No problem. Hey, are you going to the D.A.R.E. dance this weekend?
Cool. See you there.