If you have met Lyndsay Shipley, you know she has a lot of zest and energy. Her sense of humor and ability to make people laugh are never-ending. She sings, she dances, she posts Facebook videos of herself dancing. She does sketch comedy and improv and doesn’t slack on either one. However, it isn’t until you edit her writing that you truly come to understand Lyndsay’s exuberance. In this post, I took out a hundred exclamation points, forty-thousand ellipses and a bajillion words typed in all capital letters. Okay, perhaps I exaggerate.

MEET LYNDSAY SHIPLEY!

What is your name?
Given: Lyndsay. Sur: Shitpee (which, during immigration, my family changed in the early 1900s to ‘Shipley’ to sound more “American”).

How long have you been a non-vegan?
Eight-ish years. I’m only eight years old, creep. Just kidding. Years 0-16: meat eater. Years 16-17: vegetarian. Years 17-23: vegan. Years 23-31: vegetarian. Soooo…like years. Whatever, I can’t do math.

Why have you decided not to be vegan? Describe your journey to veganism and where you got stalled.
Laziness (the first step is admitting a problem, right?), fat girl status and the dark lord have led me back into the world of dairy and cheese (also, he insisted that I mention him because he’s a big baby narcissist). Honestly, at least once a week I think about going back to vegan. Still, I try to buy animal products as ethically produced as possible. I’ve often said if I ever fell into millions of dollars, which I will (Shut it! I will!), the first thing I’d do is hire a personal chef. And he would make wonderful vegan food for me. Also, I’m lying. I’d pay for a chauffeur first.

Where do you get your protein?
Rare imported goat semen. I’m a total foodie, you guys. But during a dry spell (wink), tofu, greens, eggs, soy. Nuts (double wink).

What vegan food do you fear you’re missing out on as a non-vegan?
Since I ate a ton of carbs when I was vegan, I miss them. Quinoa, rice, pasta! But I also feel sick for days if I eat a lot of them, so not so much. I’m just sooo sensitive. Feel bad for me. I do miss wearing my ultimate good guy animal lover badge that doesn’t exist. One day…

Do you eat fish? You eat fish, right?
Ugh. A few year ago, I tried to eat fish for a month-ish. Blah blah blah…the Omega 3s, etc. I snapped back into veg land after seeing a fish dying on the back of a motor scooter on Grand. Long story. Or maybe not. Whatever. It was awful to witness.

Are there any animals in your life, such as pets or funny neighborhood squirrels? Tell us a story about them.
There are so many great animals in my life! My current best feline bud is Judge Dredd. He loves offering his belly to anyone and instantly becomes their best friend. One friend referred to him as a “game-changer” (that person was a dog lover/cat hater).

I have my sibling’s/dad’s/friend’s cats and dogs, I like to think of as my nieces and nephews. Also, super friendly neighborhood cats, “Splat” and “Oreo;” I don’t know their real names. Often, when I don’t get along with someone, I later find out that they didn’t grow up with a pet. It’s like realizing one of your friends is Mormon and thinking to yourself, “Ohhh, that’s why they’re different.” Kidding.

Recently, I lost Boris, my little tuxedo cat. I can honestly say he was one of my best friends. A lot of people that have never had a cat pal think they’re cold, aloof or selfish, but I like to say it only takes one sweet cat to turn that thought around. I’ve probably lived with (at least) 20 cats and never had one as affectionate as Boris. He was my little prince. We (Tony, my fiance-who hated cats before Boris- & I) will definitely find another buddy for JD, but we aren’t ready yet. This is upsetting. Bring a razor blade to this question! Sorry…

What do you do for fun besides eating meat and dairy?
Yelling, singing and dancing are really my favorite things. Everything else is secondary. But… I love being with friends, writing, reading, comics, tv/movies, video games…I kind of love everything.

Do you have any upcoming projects you want to plug? Tell us about them.
My sketch group, Exacerbaters, has a video short called “Burger Shots” that should be coming out shorty (look out, 2016!). Empty Full of Donuts, my improv group, performs at The Improv Shop.

*More coming soon. I just bought a lap steel guitar. Anyone wanna start a band?

Make up a question of your own and answer it.
Toilet paper roll: over or under?
Under. It just seems easier. Especially if you have some unruly one-ply.

Song: “Feel Their Pain” By Good Riddance
Recipe: Curried Chickpea & Veggie “Noodle” Salad (no carbs!)