Tip 5: If It’s Between a Human Baby and a Dog, Save the Dog from Drowning

dogswimIn developing this website, I’ve found that there are actually quite a few people who aren’t vegan. Weird, I know! Most of these folks are thoughtful, compassionate and great critical thinkers, so the only reason for them not to be vegan must be a lack of information. For these people, I decided to include some tips on how to be vegan, so they can get started right away.

“How to Be Vegan” Tip 5: If It’s Between a Human Baby and a Dog, Save the Dog from Drowning.

I know things seem calm. It’s sunny outside, you just finished a healthy lunch and all is well. But, I have bad news, so please brace yourself. There will inevitably come a point in your vegan life when you’ll be faced with the decision to save a drowning infant or a drowning dog. So you’d better think about it now and decide what you’ll do. If you’re a good vegan, you’ll save the dog.

I know what you’re thinking: this doesn’t seem like a realistic scenario. “How could this happen!?” you’re yelling at your computer (or, more likely, phone). You’re just being emotional, which means you’re doing well at this whole vegan thing already. Anyway, trust me, one day you will be walking along, minding your own business (well, aside from the occasional “hello” to the birds and squirrels, and scoffs at unaltered pets), and you’ll hear screams for help coming from a nearby lake. And guess what. You’ll be the only person around to help (no baby mom or dad, no pet parent, nobody to scream for help – wait…), and you’ll have to make a tough decision. You’ll thank me if you take my advice and decide in advance (that you’ll save the dog).

Why is this Important?
Because! Dogs are more important than babies, and there are many logical reasons why. If the baby in question is two years old or younger, then the dog in question is more intelligent. And intelligence is a big factor in whether or not we should care about other beings. So, naturally, we should care more about the smart doggy.

Even if dogs and human babies were equally intelligent, the discrepancy between each one’s scope of emotion is huge. Dogs experience excitement, distress, contentment, disgust, fear, anger, joy, suspicion, shyness and affection (Source: Psychology Today: Which Emotions Do Dogs Actually Experience?). Babies only experience anger and confusion (No source, just common sense).

As if that wasn’t enough to convince you, let’s take a look at physical ability. Here are a few videos that show examples of dogs’ physical prowess: a dog in an agility competition; dogs doing police training; and, finally and ironically, a dog saving a human from drowning (notice that the reporter agrees babies aren’t intelligent or physically capable, saying “Bear, the family lab, and Stanley, the toddler he saved, are playing catch. Well, at least as well as a fourteen-month-old can play catch.”). In contrast, here is a video that shows the physical capabilities of a baby.

Clearly, when the time comes (and it will), you should save the drowning dog.

What are the Rewards?

  • You’ll be a hero (to the people who don’t know there was also a baby drowning).
  • You’ll be satisfied, knowing you used logic and reason to make your decision.
  • Of all the horrible names you’ll be called by the mainstream media, “speciesist” won’t be one of them.

What are the Challenges?

  • It’s hard to overcome societal pressure and do the right thing.
  • You might go to jail. It’s hard to get vegan food in jail.
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