Tip 13: I Don’t Care if It’s Too Expensive. Buy a Vitamix.

vitamixI’m more sure of the following statement than anything else I’ve ever said: If you’re going to survive being a vegan, you’re going to need a Vitamix. You’ll need one. You just will. Period.

Yes, I know they cost like 700 dollars, and you can “get by” without one, but is that really the kind of vegan you want to be? A cheapskate who makes half-assed smoothies and has to buy hummus from a store? Surely not.

If you’re really new to all this plant-based diet business, you may be asking yourself “What’s a Vitamix?” Let me explain it for you, so you don’t risk alienating yourself from every good vegan you meet. A Vitamix is a blending device (do NOT call it a “blender”) more powerful than any other – both in actual blending and in helping you to fit in as a vegan. There are many models built for home and business use and ranging in cost from several hundred dollars to “we’ll need your first born.” A Vitamix can turn practically any solid ingredients into less solid, creamy or liquid deliciousness – all with one press of a button. You can make smoothies, hummus, tapenade, cashew cheese dip, tofu alfredo sauce, soups of all kind and so much more. I know it sounds like every other blender, but it ISN’T.

Why is this Important?
Vegans eat a lot of mixed and mashed foods. Solid foods are not as appealing if the option to liquidize them exists. As you may know, the act of chewing uses up a lot of energy. Energy we just don’t have. Energy that could be better spent on calling a legislator to ask that she cosponsor the Captive Primate Safety Act (S. 1463 in the Senate and H.R. 2856 in the House), or phone banking to urge Missouri voters to vote no on the Right to Farm measure, or organizing, I don’t know, a Walk for Farm Animals.

Since vegans prefer not to chew our food, nearly every vegan recipe on the Internet calls for ingredients to be mixed in a Vitamix. A regular old crappy blender won’t work, or else they’d say “mix in a regular old crappy blender and serve.” But they don’t. So get out that credit card (or apply for a second one – they’re easy to get) and buy a Vitamix.

What are the Rewards?

  • You’ll never have to eat another banana. I mean, you will, but you won’t be able to tell.
  • You’ll get to scoff at people who juice, commenting on how they lose all the fiber that way.
  • This expensive purchase will act as a gateway to finally purchasing the Dyson DC65 Animal Complete Upright Vacuum Cleaner you’ve always wanted.
  • Duh – Large quantities of smooth, creamy hummus with as much tahini as your heart desires.

What are the Challenges?

  • Everyone will expect you to make food for them. This is fine if you like sharing vegan food to show people it’s delicious. But if you’re like me and want all the food to yourself, it presents a challenge.
  • You’ll likely keep your Vitamix in the kitchen, which makes it more difficult to show it off to everyone you meet. You’ll have to think of ways to work it into conversations somehow if you’re going to get the credit you deserve.

In developing this website, I’ve found that there are actually quite a few people who aren’t vegan. Weird, I know! Most of these folks are thoughtful, compassionate and great critical thinkers, so the only reason for them not to be vegan must be a lack of information. For these people, I decided to include some tips on how to be vegan, so they can get started right away.

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