You’ve probably heard vegans say that none of their friends are vegan. This is crazy. All of our friends should be vegan. All of them. Why would we spend any time with people whose beliefs and morals are any different from our own? Wouldn’t that make us grow? Um, we’re vegans. We’re done growing. Let’s leave the mind-expanding and evolving to the people who need it: non-vegans. Amiright?
Why is this Important?
If we vegans make friends with non-vegans, we won’t be able to bond with them over the things that friends of all kinds should be able to bond over: how much better we are, how much smarter we are and how much longer we’re going to live than non-vegans. Oh, and vegan doughnuts. Right!?
We’re vegans. We’ve done our part for the world, and our job is done. We should be able to relax now – which includes not having to do all the work that would come from being around people who are different from us. We’d have to compromise on restaurants, explain how to pronounce seitan, navigate tricky conversations without coming across as self-righteous… Um, nap, please!
What are the Rewards?
- We’ll feel more normal, because everyone around us will be just like us.
- We can speak openly about how eating meat is just like eating human babies.
- We won’t ever have to eat at places like Applebee’s.
- We can wear our rude message tees without having to put hooded sweatshirts or jackets over them.
What are the Challenges?
- We won’t have anyone to talk with about veganism except those who already know. So we won’t be doing any good in the world (except for not eating animals, which, as many of us know, is really just the moral baseline).
- Our friends will be limited to the people who post on the vegan Facebook group. This sounds terrible.