Posted as part of VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) 2014

When vegans are around, things get a little tricky – for all of us. Sometimes non-vegans get defensive or hostile because they think vegans are telling them their food choices are unethical. Sometimes vegans are! And that comes across as self-righteous and snobby.

So, I’m using the Vegan Month of Food – a month during which vegan blogs are celebrated and aggregated in one place – to provide some easy tips for non-vegans and vegans to use, so we can all get along a little better. As the old saying goes, “If you can’t say anything vegan, don’t say anything at all.”

“THEN WHY ARE ANIMALS SO DELICIOUS?”
Non-vegans, please stop saying this to vegans.

Why?
First of all, So Delicious is a brand of vegan ice cream, so stop making me think of delicious desserts when I’m trying to concentrate on scolding you. That’s Strike Two.

Strike One is telling vegans that animals should be killed because their flesh tastes good when you cut it off them (without the muscles and veins and stuff, because ewie!), make it unrecognizable, slather it in sauce (which you can also do to veggies, ya know?) and grill it. Animals taste good to you because humans are built to crave fat (and salt). And you know what (ahem, who) also tastes good when you fry it up in oil? Horses. Dogs. Baby deer. Human infants. Pretty much everything (ahem, everyone). “Gross!” you say, as I stare at you, waiting for you to understand the logic.

What are some alternatives?

• “Wow, I guess you’re right that “It’s tasty” is not a good argument for whether eating animals is moral.”
• “I’m going to read a book on how to not be a jerk.”
• “I’m going to read a book on how to form my own jokes instead of recycling unfunny and unoriginal ones. I apologize to comedy.”
• Don’t say anything at all.