A lot of vegans share their homes with dogs and cats they rescued from animal shelters. While cats are carnivores and need taurine (an acid found in animals’ bile) to be healthy,* dogs are opportunistic omnivores and can eat pretty much anything but celery.**

The problem, though, is that some dogs have a complete lack of morals and just want to eat other animals all day long. They salivate over the smell of chickens being baked and cows being roasted. Heck, they’d probably even drool at the scent of seared human flesh. Ga-ross. Bad dog.

If you want to be a good vegan and keep a vegan household, you can’t share it with a scumbag dog like that.

“How to Be Vegan” Tip 42: Adopt A Dog Who Has Some Morals

How is this done?
When you visit the shelter – or the Petfinder website – look for dogs who appear ethical and avoid the ones who look guilty or deranged. If a dog is cowering in the corner, you should choose him, because he’s clearly ashamed and embarrassed of all the other dogs in the joint. If a dog is at the front of his kennel, looking at you attentively and wagging his tail, move along; that dog is trying to overcompensate for some serious moral deficits.

Why is this Important?
Your canine companion needs to have similar principles as you, or else how will you live in harmony? What if you came home one day, and instead of greeting you happily at the door, you found your dog cooking up some prime rib!? That would be infuriating. And amazing.

What are the Rewards?

• You and your dog can eat together without getting into petty arguments.
• You can feed your dog a healthy, fully nutritious food without the guilt of supporting the animal agribusiness industry and the ick-factor of feeding your best friend meat that has been deemed unfit for human consumption.
• You can share food. I mean, share your food with your dog; don’t eat your dog’s food. Why do I even need to say that? Seriously, what’s wrong with you?

What are the Challenges?

• You won’t be able to chop carrots without a begging dog in your periphery. Get your own, beggar!
• If you write about it on your blog, someone will take time out of their busy day to write mean comments on your blog’s Facebook page.

*There is controversy over this. I don’t know enough about feeding cats a vegan diet, so I feed mine meaty food. If you’re a super-vegan, you can look it up to find out what works best for you and your kitty friends.
**There are other foods that aren’t good for your puppy friends.