Most of the interviews at Weird! Why Aren’t You Vegan? are with people who are unique and different (read: not vegan). This has the normal people (read: vegans) feeling a little left out. So, to appease the masses, we now – once a month – feature a regular old, nothin’ special, run-of-the-mill vegan. This month, we meet Alex Bury.
Alex in-fur-i-ates me. Why? Because she’s funnier than me, and I hate that. It makes me so mad, and it makes our constant back-and-forth email sessions a nightmare. I inevitably LOL (the genuine kind, not the “I already typed ‘haha’ thirteen times so I need to switch it up” kind) and then I cry and feel shame for being “in comedy” but having zero potential to ever be as funny as Alex. In short, Alex deliberately makes other women feel bad about themselves. Anyone who knows her knows this is true.*
*But seriously, Alex is one of my absolute favorite people on the planet. She’s a feminist, an awesome advocate for animals, an incredible chef, and the spouse of my boss so I have to be nice to her.
Meet Alex Bury.
Lucky Johnston is quite possibly the most creative person I know. I have been lucky (see what I did there?) enough to perform with him in improv and sketch shows and am so impressed by his talent and hilarity. He’s a really unique person, is always fun to be around, and is the only person with funnier facial expressions than me (if I may be so bold). Also, and he doesn’t know this yet, but Lucky and I are going to collaborate on a video series, so look for that soon.
Meet Lucky Johnston.
Most of the interviews at Weird! Why Aren’t You Vegan? are with people who are unique and different (read: not vegan). This has the normal people (read: vegans) feeling a little left out. So, to appease the masses, we now – once a month – feature a regular old, nothin’ special, run-of-the-mill vegan. This month, we meet Marla Rose.
Marla Rose (you have to say her full name) is a vegan superstar. I am so pumped to have her on the blog and pretend that we’re totally friends and we hang out. I can pretend that, because you don’t know it’s not true. And Marla Rose won’t ever read this because she’s way too cool and busy and amazing to be spending time reading this little ole blog. So, yep, Marla Rose and I are best friends. She comes over to my house and we talk about her blog, Vegan Feminist Agitator, and her website, Vegan Street. We talk about non-vegans and laugh all night. And then we braid each other’s hair. For all you know.
Meet Marla Rose.
You know it. I know it. They know it. Non-vegans and non-animal-advocates need our help. They’re lost souls, meandering through life making a billion mistakes. And we need to help them – not by offering solutions or support, but by judging them.
If you see a post on the internet wherein someone is moving and can’t take their dog or cat with them, don’t offer support or solutions. Offer judgment. It’s what they really need in that moment – that moment of heartbreak, of helplessness, of already feeling guilty for not being able to care for their animals. Sure, you could offer support. You could be the bigger person and express empathy for what the person must be going through. And sure, you have solutions. You’ve networked with all the leaders in animal sheltering, and you know of a few people who might be able to take in the person’s animals and find them great homes. But save it. Just judge. Judge, baby, judge.
“How to Be Vegan” Tip 45: Help People. By Judging Them. Continue reading
First you decide to make the personal choice to stop eating dead animals, then you start in with the annoying and inevitable preachy-ness, using words like “dead animals” to describe dead animals. But now you want to go even further, refusing to compromise your morals by cooking animals for other people when they’re in your home, effectively imposing your morals on other people (when they are in your home)?
How dare you? You go, girl.
“How to Be Vegan” Tip 44: Be Really Selfish By Refusing to Cook Animals for People Continue reading
I wish everyone had an Ashley Schnepf in their life. One time she sent me a package full of trinkets and things, and she included about ten tiny cards in tiny envelopes that explained each item. One item was a cassette player! And yes, there was also a cassette! Another time, Ashley and I agreed to be digital pen pals, and she wrote me a letter – a real letter – and then took a digital photo of it and Facebook messaged it to me. It was utter brilliance. Not to be confused with udder brilliance, which in my opinion means you leave the cow’s udders alone and let her calf have the milk instead of stealing it and making her baby into veal. You monsters.
The “eyes closed” part of the title is a metaphor. The “doors open” part is not. I’ll let her explain.
Meet Ashley Schnepf.
Most of the interviews at Weird! Why Aren’t You Vegan? are with people who are unique and different (read: not vegan). This has the normal people (read: vegans) feeling a little left out. So, to appease the masses, we now – once a month – feature a regular old, nothin’ special, run-of-the-mill vegan. This month, we meet Leah Patriarco.
I met Leah at a vegan meetup in Saint Louis. Yawn. We ate vegan food and talked about being vegan. Totally ordinary. It was at an Ethiopian restaurant called Meskerem. I’m dying from boredom… Okay, nope. I can’t even pretend that Ethiopian food is anything but amazing and exciting and delicious. Go get some and bring it back to your house. I’ll wait.
Okay, back to the introduction. Through no fault of her own, Leah sometimes makes people uncomfortable. I’ve felt it. Maybe you’ve felt it. She’s perfectly friendly and, aside from having a congenital condition known as “Daria Face,” Leah is really approachable and easy to talk to. The problem some people seem to have – myself included at times – is that Leah walks the talk. She cares about the world’s issues, she talks about them, and (here’s where we slackers start feeling judged) she does something about them. She is vegan. She rides her bike most places. She speaks up (and writes up) about race issues. She gives talks about street harassment. She attends anti-war and anti-violence protests. She hosts potlucks and makes weirdo non-vegans feel welcome. The list goes on. Leah is an incredibly inspiring and active person, and the only reason you (we) ever feel judged is because by being so active, she serves as a metaphorical mirror to show us all the things we aren’t doing for the world. To summarize, shame on you for not being Leah. But seriously, the vegan thing is totally uninteresting. Like, who isn’t vegan these days?
Meet Leah Patriarco.
Disgusting vegan candy. Photo courtesy of Dave Mosick.
It’s a well-known fact that vegans are supposed to ruin Thanksgiving, but did you also know that, if you want to be a good vegan, you should be ruining Halloween too?
Vegan food is gross, so it must follow that vegan candy is gross. Sure, all the kids seem okay with your Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, AirHeads, BottleCaps, DumDums, Fireballs, FunDip, Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy, Pixy Stix, Runts, Nerds, Starburst Minis, SweetTarts and Twizzlers, but they’re not. Because their parents know who you are and what you’re up to. And you’re not going to get away with it.
Or are you?
“How to Be Vegan” Tip 43: Ruin Every Holiday Continue reading
Nancy says, “Vote yes on 2D or else.”
Okay, maybe that is a lie that I just made up. But hey, maybe I just gave Nancy an idea. An idea that will shore up support for pit bulls in Aurora. If she loves pit bulls (and public safety), I think Nancy would do everything possible to make sure this ban on pit bulls gets repealed. Everything possible. Nancy. Do it.
I’ll let you know if it works. Anyway, what you should know right now, is that Nancy Tranzow is an incredible person. She has fought and continues to fight against all kinds of -isms. She works hard every day on behalf of the people and the dogs who need advocates the most. Also, she’s dang funny.
Meet Nancy Tranzow.
A lot of vegans share their homes with dogs and cats they rescued from animal shelters. While cats are carnivores and need taurine (an acid found in animals’ bile) to be healthy,* dogs are opportunistic omnivores and can eat pretty much anything but celery.**
The problem, though, is that some dogs have a complete lack of morals and just want to eat other animals all day long. They salivate over the smell of chickens being baked and cows being roasted. Heck, they’d probably even drool at the scent of seared human flesh. Ga-ross. Bad dog.
If you want to be a good vegan and keep a vegan household, you can’t share it with a scumbag dog like that.
“How to Be Vegan” Tip 42: Adopt A Dog Who Has Some Morals Continue reading